What is inner-peace? And how do we find it?

What is inner-peace?

A sense of peace is brought about by a sense of connection. This sense of connection is determined by our deepest values and is different for everyone. It even changes and evolves for each of us. We can feel a sense of connection to each other, to nature, to our work, to family and friends, or to the divine. We can feel a sense of connection to ourselves. This feeling of connection is what we call alignment, because it feels “right”. It feels great because it brings about a neurological response, which leads to the parasympathetic response. This feels good and right because it is what human bodies are intended to do after thousands of years of evolution. We are meant to be connected, to each other, ourselves, and the divine. It shows in our brains and our brain chemistry. Even if you don’t believe in any divinity, your brain responds to feelings of connection and peace in the same positive way.  

Practices such as mindfulness, yoga, and meditation ( along with dozens of religious practices all around the world) are helpful in creating this feeling within us. Once we are able to activate this sense of alignment we can use it to help us “feel better”. When we experience stress, say from sitting in traffic, we can use our mindfulness practice to help keep us calm. This is powerful. When we practice activating this sense of connection often, we feel less confusion and turmoil on a daily basis. This allows us to be more creative and solve complicated problems.

Once you learn to activate your sense of peace, connection, and alignment you have a choice. You can stay there, at peace, or you can move beyond it. 

There is something beyond your sense of peace and connection. Your sense of peace and connection is priming you with the ability to move through the deeper and murkier subconscious. This ability to activate your parasympathetic nervous system is a tool, it is not the prize. 

Beyond the comfort our parasympathetic response provides, there is so much rich reward. But, it is scary. There is fear and the unknown. It does require courage to look inward from a place of non-judgment, there is no where to hide. Diving into this shadow space has awesome potential not just for ourselves but for our work as humankind. We can connect even more intimately to each other when we have faced our shadows and come out the other side. Again, and again. This work is never done. It is a practice and using beginners mind and the acceptance of how un-expert we are helps to open new doors each time we look. Enlightenment is a path, after all, not a destination. 

We need to learn as much as we can about what helps us hold that sense of comfort, peace, and connection because it is the only way forward. It is the place we return again and again when we need to center ourselves. All that is required to move deeper is to remember there is peace beyond comfort. There is peace and connection in turmoil, grief, and pain as well. If we want to learn to wield our magic in the dark- we must have the confidence to step past calm, comfort, and control. 

Objective over Plan, Navigating life with confidence

Objective over Plan 

This theme came up many times during a friend’s stay this wee. We were balancing the needs/wants of 7 people and there was a lot of daily plan shifting. This reminded us of the bigger plans of our lives, and our children’s lives, and running households and fulfilling dreams and callings. Always, objective over plan. Plans are imaginary. They are an awesome tool for visualizing an outcome- but, the power of a plan evaporates as soon as something unexpected happens. 

A business plan is flexible. It changes based on new information in order to meet a goal or objective. This, is a much more functional version of planning than the kinds of rigid life plans we normally make. 

In order to follow a flexible plan, we need to be running on high levels of self-confidence and intuition. We need to clearly understand our deepest values and clearly understand our goals, big and small. 

Sound like a lot of work? It’s not. It’s not nearly as much work as stressing when things don’t go according to plan ( then you have no map!). Mindfulness and attunement are not hard work. Removing the self-doubt, cultural conditioning, and self-imposed barriers is uncomfortable sometimes. 

Recognize that your plans are a false sense of security. How can you navigate without them? 

5 Simple Practices to Improve Body Image ( and self-love)

Over years of mindful attention to my body I have developed these 5 simple practices to improve body image and self-love. It doesn’t take years to see the benefits of incorporating self-love practices but the longer you practice the deeper you go on your healing journey. I am lending you these experiences in hopes of helping you along on your own path.

I grew up always thinking there was something wrong with my body. We have a culture ( and I grew up in a family) that really likes thin. My family was thin and I was not. I am a feminine person and all the examples I saw of feminine women were thin and long and lanky. I was made fun of at school. I felt there was no place that people were not watching what I ate and wondering why I was eating it. I felt that my not thinness was my fault. My body image was really inaccurate. I didn’t have a clear understanding of what I actually looked like or that my body was capable or beautiful. 

In my late teens I met my now husband. The years that followed were really healing for me. I learned to see myself through his eyes and learned to love what I saw. I learned how strong my body was during pregnancy and childbirth. I looked at my baby daughters and saw how beautiful they were, too. By then, I was doing lots of mindfulness, yoga, and whole food practices. I over the years I came to love my body, and create an environment where my children could love theirs. I saw my own healing reflected in my daughters’ confidence. I really thought I was done. I mean, I knew the past still hurt a little but I loved my body and treated it with love and respect. I honored it for all it did for me and all it allowed me to do. 

So it was a major shocking surprise when cutting into some homemade bread 15 years into my mindfulness practice I heard a whisper in my head “ This is not for you”. I knew in a flash that I had been saying this to myself about every piece of food I had put into my mouth for as long as I could remember. I had to sit down. I made this bread. I made this bread from grains I drove hours to procure and then ground into flour and let rise and baked all so it would be the healthiest bread I could “feed my family.” Whoa. I had never intended any of those organic veggies or carefully choose fruits for myself. I was going to eat them, but they were not for me. My little quiet inner voice had long ago decided that any food I ate was too much food. No bite of food was ever acceptable. Wow. After about 20 years of thoughtful concern for my body, I had finally found the nugget of truth. 

I immediately sat down and came up with a plan to change this voice. For months afterwards I sat quietly before eating anything and reminded myself this food was to nourish me. I can honestly say I now never consider that I don’t deserve some foods or shouldn’t eat something. I share this story because I think  its important to realize that when on a mindful journey the puzzle changes with each bit of healing we do. As we heal or awaken in someway, everything shifts to allow us deeper access to ourselves. This major “ah ha” moment came after years of practice and while I was studying food and nutrition for the integrative health practice core of my MA. There was lots of peeling and awakening that led to finally hearing what my heart was saying. 

Every practice and mindful moment of listening provides us with the opportunity to S.H.I.N.E. ( soothe, heal, inspire,  nourish, elevate). We need to absorb these principals into ourselves, for ourselves, in order to share them best with the outside world. Below is a list of 5 simple practices that can help shift your mind and heart around the issues you face regarding body image and self-love. I have included a link to an additional free resource, an article from the winter SHINE 2019 offering. 

#1 Hang a full-length mirror in your bathroom.

We just don’t see our bodies in the nude very often. When we do, we tend to be standing in front of a mirror for inspection. Having a full-length mirror in the bathroom allows you to catch a glimpse of yourself as you move about caring for yourself instead of standing straight and looking for imperfections. Having more exposure to your body will help you become more comfortable with your body’s appearance and help to dispel false images your mind creates. The privacy we feel in the bathroom allows us the space to be less defensive and more gentle with ourselves. 

#2 Look for people who look like you

Before going out to shop for jeans and bathing suits, do a quick google search for people your shape and size. Look for people who look happy and confident and who are wearing a style you like. Spend some time looking at these images before you shop or get dressed. It is amazing how much better we feel about ourselves in our skin and our clothes when our ideal is relatable and relevant. This is why we want more diversity in models, right? So go ahead and make your own album of images that represent you and what you are looking for from your clothes. If you have a picture of yourself that you like, put it in there!

#3 Self-massage

This is so simple and so profound. Touch your body gently. Just like looking in the mirror, we don’t often touch ourselves with love. Here is a link to an article ( Winter SHINE 2018)  that outlines the process and benefits of self-massage.

#4 Eating Mindfully 

Eating mindfully is becoming a popular concept and for very good reason. Of everything we hurry in American culture, food and eating is at the top of the list. One simple way to start this practice is simply by taking a few moments to sit still and breathe before you eat. Take time to be thankful for the food in front of you and think about all the benefits your body will receive from the food. You don’t have to analyze what you are eating or why. Just remember that you are being fed and nourished by the processes of eating. A short prayer or mantra can be used here to help condition you to receive your food. “ This food is for me, this food is nourishing me”.

#5 Do something you enjoy

Your body does miraculous things all day long. It does. We often take our bodies for granted because they are so amazing, we just forget. What is something you do that really reminds you that you have a body and that it is awesome? Maybe it is going for a swim or doing some yoga, dancing to music in your kitchen,  or feeling the sun or wind on your skin. Take some time to think about this and then pick something you love doing in your body and make sure you put it on the calendar. Make sure it is something you can expect and look forward to regularly. 

The best way to encourage positive body image is to take the time to enjoy our bodies. They are right here with us everyday, our partner in everything we do, we can take the time to honor, love, and respect them. 

Curiosity killed the cat, and satisfaction brought her back.

“Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought her back”

A few years ago, while pulling into a Whole Foods parking lot, I realized why I don’t normally accept the mainstream thing right from the start. I don’t accept the mainstream because it forces me to look at the question at hand. I don’t accept the mainstream because it forces me to be curious, look at all angles, ask myself intimate questions and decide upon appropriate action. Sometimes, I decide to go with the mainstream flow, and sometimes I find a side channel that better suits me ( okay, a lot of times). But, the point is, that initial refusal is met with questions from me to me. 

When I coached my very first practice client I left over the moon. When coaching, my authentic curiosity is used on purpose by my client. They want me to ask powerful questions! It’s such an awesome fit. Because, sometimes out in the wide open world- people don’t want you to wonder “how come”. 

This week’s Saturday morning check in is just that. As you look back over last week you will realize you made a million in the moment decisions. You will probably remember the ones you “didn’t like” more than the ones you did. Look back, pick a few, and ask yourself “how come”.

How come I didn’t want to go to Martha’s dinner party?

How come I decided on that place to sit?

How come my child’s behavior was irritating me?

How come I felt anxious at Costco? ( I know but this one, man! I’ve asked myself many times)

How come I wanted to go to that party?

How come I wanted to leave early?

How come I refused that chocolate cake?

How come I ate that brownie?

Sounds daunting? Don’t have time for that? Worried about what you’ll find?

You don’t have to change you behaviors, you don’t have to change your actions, and you don’t have to do it all the time. But a little digging every now and then (especially when we intuitively know we are bypassing) will let you know yourself better. You may find you didn’t want to go to Martha’s party because she throws such great ones, and you wish you did too. That’s about you,  not Martha. That information is special and worth knowing.