5 Simple Practices to Improve Body Image ( and self-love)

Over years of mindful attention to my body I have developed these 5 simple practices to improve body image and self-love. It doesn’t take years to see the benefits of incorporating self-love practices but the longer you practice the deeper you go on your healing journey. I am lending you these experiences in hopes of helping you along on your own path.

I grew up always thinking there was something wrong with my body. We have a culture ( and I grew up in a family) that really likes thin. My family was thin and I was not. I am a feminine person and all the examples I saw of feminine women were thin and long and lanky. I was made fun of at school. I felt there was no place that people were not watching what I ate and wondering why I was eating it. I felt that my not thinness was my fault. My body image was really inaccurate. I didn’t have a clear understanding of what I actually looked like or that my body was capable or beautiful. 

In my late teens I met my now husband. The years that followed were really healing for me. I learned to see myself through his eyes and learned to love what I saw. I learned how strong my body was during pregnancy and childbirth. I looked at my baby daughters and saw how beautiful they were, too. By then, I was doing lots of mindfulness, yoga, and whole food practices. I over the years I came to love my body, and create an environment where my children could love theirs. I saw my own healing reflected in my daughters’ confidence. I really thought I was done. I mean, I knew the past still hurt a little but I loved my body and treated it with love and respect. I honored it for all it did for me and all it allowed me to do. 

So it was a major shocking surprise when cutting into some homemade bread 15 years into my mindfulness practice I heard a whisper in my head “ This is not for you”. I knew in a flash that I had been saying this to myself about every piece of food I had put into my mouth for as long as I could remember. I had to sit down. I made this bread. I made this bread from grains I drove hours to procure and then ground into flour and let rise and baked all so it would be the healthiest bread I could “feed my family.” Whoa. I had never intended any of those organic veggies or carefully choose fruits for myself. I was going to eat them, but they were not for me. My little quiet inner voice had long ago decided that any food I ate was too much food. No bite of food was ever acceptable. Wow. After about 20 years of thoughtful concern for my body, I had finally found the nugget of truth. 

I immediately sat down and came up with a plan to change this voice. For months afterwards I sat quietly before eating anything and reminded myself this food was to nourish me. I can honestly say I now never consider that I don’t deserve some foods or shouldn’t eat something. I share this story because I think  its important to realize that when on a mindful journey the puzzle changes with each bit of healing we do. As we heal or awaken in someway, everything shifts to allow us deeper access to ourselves. This major “ah ha” moment came after years of practice and while I was studying food and nutrition for the integrative health practice core of my MA. There was lots of peeling and awakening that led to finally hearing what my heart was saying. 

Every practice and mindful moment of listening provides us with the opportunity to S.H.I.N.E. ( soothe, heal, inspire,  nourish, elevate). We need to absorb these principals into ourselves, for ourselves, in order to share them best with the outside world. Below is a list of 5 simple practices that can help shift your mind and heart around the issues you face regarding body image and self-love. I have included a link to an additional free resource, an article from the winter SHINE 2019 offering. 

#1 Hang a full-length mirror in your bathroom.

We just don’t see our bodies in the nude very often. When we do, we tend to be standing in front of a mirror for inspection. Having a full-length mirror in the bathroom allows you to catch a glimpse of yourself as you move about caring for yourself instead of standing straight and looking for imperfections. Having more exposure to your body will help you become more comfortable with your body’s appearance and help to dispel false images your mind creates. The privacy we feel in the bathroom allows us the space to be less defensive and more gentle with ourselves. 

#2 Look for people who look like you

Before going out to shop for jeans and bathing suits, do a quick google search for people your shape and size. Look for people who look happy and confident and who are wearing a style you like. Spend some time looking at these images before you shop or get dressed. It is amazing how much better we feel about ourselves in our skin and our clothes when our ideal is relatable and relevant. This is why we want more diversity in models, right? So go ahead and make your own album of images that represent you and what you are looking for from your clothes. If you have a picture of yourself that you like, put it in there!

#3 Self-massage

This is so simple and so profound. Touch your body gently. Just like looking in the mirror, we don’t often touch ourselves with love. Here is a link to an article ( Winter SHINE 2018)  that outlines the process and benefits of self-massage.

#4 Eating Mindfully 

Eating mindfully is becoming a popular concept and for very good reason. Of everything we hurry in American culture, food and eating is at the top of the list. One simple way to start this practice is simply by taking a few moments to sit still and breathe before you eat. Take time to be thankful for the food in front of you and think about all the benefits your body will receive from the food. You don’t have to analyze what you are eating or why. Just remember that you are being fed and nourished by the processes of eating. A short prayer or mantra can be used here to help condition you to receive your food. “ This food is for me, this food is nourishing me”.

#5 Do something you enjoy

Your body does miraculous things all day long. It does. We often take our bodies for granted because they are so amazing, we just forget. What is something you do that really reminds you that you have a body and that it is awesome? Maybe it is going for a swim or doing some yoga, dancing to music in your kitchen,  or feeling the sun or wind on your skin. Take some time to think about this and then pick something you love doing in your body and make sure you put it on the calendar. Make sure it is something you can expect and look forward to regularly. 

The best way to encourage positive body image is to take the time to enjoy our bodies. They are right here with us everyday, our partner in everything we do, we can take the time to honor, love, and respect them. 

Curiosity killed the cat, and satisfaction brought her back.

“Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought her back”

A few years ago, while pulling into a Whole Foods parking lot, I realized why I don’t normally accept the mainstream thing right from the start. I don’t accept the mainstream because it forces me to look at the question at hand. I don’t accept the mainstream because it forces me to be curious, look at all angles, ask myself intimate questions and decide upon appropriate action. Sometimes, I decide to go with the mainstream flow, and sometimes I find a side channel that better suits me ( okay, a lot of times). But, the point is, that initial refusal is met with questions from me to me. 

When I coached my very first practice client I left over the moon. When coaching, my authentic curiosity is used on purpose by my client. They want me to ask powerful questions! It’s such an awesome fit. Because, sometimes out in the wide open world- people don’t want you to wonder “how come”. 

This week’s Saturday morning check in is just that. As you look back over last week you will realize you made a million in the moment decisions. You will probably remember the ones you “didn’t like” more than the ones you did. Look back, pick a few, and ask yourself “how come”.

How come I didn’t want to go to Martha’s dinner party?

How come I decided on that place to sit?

How come my child’s behavior was irritating me?

How come I felt anxious at Costco? ( I know but this one, man! I’ve asked myself many times)

How come I wanted to go to that party?

How come I wanted to leave early?

How come I refused that chocolate cake?

How come I ate that brownie?

Sounds daunting? Don’t have time for that? Worried about what you’ll find?

You don’t have to change you behaviors, you don’t have to change your actions, and you don’t have to do it all the time. But a little digging every now and then (especially when we intuitively know we are bypassing) will let you know yourself better. You may find you didn’t want to go to Martha’s party because she throws such great ones, and you wish you did too. That’s about you,  not Martha. That information is special and worth knowing. 

Obstacles Mean You Are Part of the Universe, not out of alignment with it

It’s said that a move can be as stressful as a death. I wouldn’t go that far ( but then I have a lot of stress management skill). Moving is hard. It is said that launching a business is like a birth. And I guess launching a second business is like birthing with experience. Which we all know actually means you know what can go wrong! It is hard. I hope you are not under the impression that manifesting your dreams is easy. It will hurt more if you feel that way. I hope you are not under the impression that once you are in alignment with your true self and the universe all will come. It will not. It will. And it won’t again. It’s all okay. Things going “wrong” means you are part of the universe. All that is hard. Not one step of this journey has gone “in our favor”.  Not one. But that doesn’t mean we aren’t in alignment. Never once have I wished we didn’t do this. Not one moment am I not grateful that we did. 

If you are up for early morning drives to drop your soulmate at work so you can use the car, talking about how all this will work and what it all means. Then, you should give living-your-dream-thing a try. The view is breathtaking.

5 Barriers to Intimate Connection ( and how to dissolve them)

Intimate connection is sweet. It makes all the drudgery of life seem like a small price to pay for this existence. This experience is available to everyone but we often keep ourselves closed off from the very connection we are seeking. Below are 5 barriers that keep us from connecting deeply with ourselves, our people, and the universe. 

#1 FEAR

This sounds so obvious. Of course fear gets in the way of intimate connection, fear keeps us from all sorts of wonderful opportunities. And, that’s true. But fear is sneaky. Fear wears so many disguises. When fear is a barrier to connection it is usually disguised so well you don’t recognize it. In healthy relationships, we aren’t afraid of our partners, but fear can still keep us from connecting with them. Fear they will leave us, fear they don’t love us, fear we don’t make them happy, fear they aren’t happy. Those seem pretty common, right? But you have to keep digging. What about the fear that we aren’t happy? That one can hide under all sorts of covers. In order to be vulnerable enough to have an intimate connection, we need to understand what our vulnerabilities are and that involves investigating fear. It involves looking for the fear that is hiding in plain sight and the fears that we are so comfortable with we aren’t even aware they are there. 

#2 Resentment/Competition 

Resentment and competition are like metaphorical twins: the same and different. The term “friendly competition” may be common but its execution is not. If you are in a relationship with yourself or someone else and you are keeping tabs on “winners," you are probably breeding resentment. You may even be breeding resentment for yourself. Competition is comparison. We just can’t compare contributions in a relationship and have it come out “fair”. That does not mean it isn’t just.  In order to decide if contributions are just we need to listen to our emotions but not act upon them. “ I see I am irritated my spouse didn’t do the dishes”. We can watch this emotion play out and see where it goes. If we take action on the aggravation we cut off an opportunity to learn where it was really coming from and where it was really going. Most likely, that aggravation comes from a disguised fear. 

#3 Punishment Mindset

Punishment is prevalent in our culture. We hand out punishment with tone of voice, body language, and bitter words. We often don’t even notice or really mean it. A little huff when our child asks for something after we have put it away, a raised eyebrow when a colleague makes too much noise at a meeting, a cold shoulder when someone comes to bed too late. Why do we do these things? Punishment is not ours to pass out. It is a lot of work and our nervous system picks up on it. You do not need to let hurts go, you do not need to fulfill every request but we also do need to address these things directly and with kindness. Punishment happens naturally in this world. There are natural consequences for everything, and sometimes the natural consequence for someone else will be that you are angry. That’s okay, just make sure that you aren’t handing out little punishments all day long without awareness. Most of us are. 

#4 Unrecognized Gratitude

We are grateful for another sunrise with our families. Sometimes we forget to recognize the little things that are really big. Just because they happen everyday and are common occurrences doesn’t make them a given. Maybe that is why it is so hard to express gratitude for the breath in our lungs and the fact we all made it home at the end of the day. Maybe when we express that gratitude we entertain the possibility it is fragile. It is. Accepting that truth makes it okay to take a little longer putting on a child’s shoe. It makes every moment a gift. That doesn’t mean we have to love every minute of every day, but it does make it easier to find the magic we might otherwise miss. 

#5 Refusing Permission 

You are allowed to enjoy this life. You are allowed to enjoy your body. You are allowed to enjoy your partner. You are allowed to revel in your children. You are allowed to be happy. You are allowed to be intimate with this life and find all the juicy fruit within your existence. Only you have the power to give yourself this permission, don’t refuse it.