I’ve been holding my grief and gratitude a little tighter lately. While I have complete faith in our ability to overcome what we’ve done to ourselves- faith and trust, if they are true, are based in reality. Clarity. Awareness.
I’m holding my grief and gratitude close because so many people get really upset when I express my belief we could actually be doing so much more for each other. I am incredibly attuned to assessing people’s capacity for change. I know we are not stretching enough and there are reasons for that, we need to address those. That’s how change works. And, my faith in us that we could actually do it, actually create a more peaceful world, makes a lot of people really frustrated. Even people who really want a more peaceful world. And, I love us so fiercely, I just keep trying. And goodness, it hurts. But, I won’t let go. I promise.
I grieve how many people want to talk about boundaries as in “no, I won’t do that for you” instead of “yes, I will refuse to harm them or us or me.” I grieve that we think boundaries are something me make and they can keep us safe. That we have decided to spend all our time there, protecting ourselves instead attending to where we cross someone else’s boundaries. Boundaries are organic. Crossing them severs the connections between us.
I’m grieving that we aren’t doing better. We aren’t trying harder, let’s be honest. And it makes people mad when I say this. But look, look around. Some of us are giving everything and some of us are just not. What risks have you taken towards collective liberation today?
Some of us are really not trying very hard but feel like we should be and don’t know where to start so instead retreat. That’s not going to help us. Yelling at those retreating isn’t going to help us either.
I don’t say this to be punishing or mean. If I did, I’d probably get a better reaction, more people would probably relate to my fury if it was a punishing fury. But few people know what to do with requests for accountability except deflect them. Requests for accountability, they are bids for connection. We are all trying so hard to connect, to show each other what is needed.
We need more people building their capacity to give rather than caving to the conditioning. The cultural paradigms that got us here will not get us out. “What do you want us to do?” I want us to learn how to be together when we feel uncomfortable and I want us to feel uncomfortable about a lot more things. I want us to lean into learning a new way of doing almost everything.
We need more people capable of sacrificing. Learning how to do that in a way that is nourishing instead of depleting. I am so grieved by how little we will risk for what would amount to absolutely everything. I am so very grieved that so many of us would really like a more peaceful world and more leaders who care and more functional society- so long as it comes about without the loss of any comfort or security. Well. That, is just not how it works. I grieve that too, because it could have worked more that way if we had gotten started sooner. Courage is an essential element of compassion. We need to cultivate greater courage.
I’m grateful I did get started long ago. I’m grateful to have wisdom about the world, about what I know and what I don’t and where to look for new information. And about people. About how to do things subversively, often so subversively it goes unnoticed, bypassing systems of harm. I’m grateful I get to share it. Grateful there are people with who I am holding hands and standing heart to heart.
I’m grieving there are not more of us, yet. And grateful, that the only way forward is together. No one can be left behind. We will have to find a way forward together. There is no other way to get where we want to go. And because my faith is based in truth and clarity, I can trust that faith when it informs me that eventually, we will figure it out.
